Sometimes I am so lonely the phone
will do.
Sometimes I am so lonely and you are not
dead, you
live in Brooklyn Heights yet I cannot
touch you.
I have spent 30 years trying not to write
this poem.
Sometimes I am so lonely the phone
will do.

Under the paper lantern of sleep, the sudden memory: living in Colorado, pulling on my boots, going out into the blizzard, the snow burning a hole in my tongue. I am nearly frozen, standing in front of a house unfamiliar to us both, knowing you will take me in and we will make angry love in front of the fire. I let you take not gently the clothes from me. I would have done anything you wanted: the prosthetic devices, the rope, the food, I made myself sticky with honey and let you have this and that part of me, I was stuck like paper to the wall, letting you have me dry then wet while your wife looked on from her photo by the bed.

You will be automatically matched with the next caller or will hear radio until the next caller becomes available. To speak to somebody else press the pound key under the 9 on your Touch-Tone dial.

Black fishnet stockings
clothespins clamped to his nipples
bananas by the bed bowl
of water soap green washcloth
razors banana in his mouth he slits
the skin with his teeth razor
in my hand his black hairs
come off the blade like scales:

                summer, 1970. I am 8,
      Kenny skins the fish
      on the dock, throws the guts
      in the lake, watches
      the heavy blood sink. Skin
      white as buttocks beneath the moon.

He bleeds slowly
never moans
arms and legs
splayed    kindergarten star
banana halfway in him    he arches
his back    two, then
three
then six
then myself

press the pound key to speak to
somebody else

eat white banana meat
iron-smell of blood

press the pound key to speak to
somebody else

he wants to tell me his fantasy.