For Jared Baker, 1960-1992

Each time my mind comes back to it, the reasons
You gave me seem less substantial than before, to advance
Always less promise of an explanation

Of your father’s house gone still, sulfur sour in the air, your broken
Brow like pieces of a mirror … Is it self-indulgence
Each time my mind comes back to it?—your reasons

Showing how alien my thinking is from your final action—
­The barrel aligned, the trigger’s blind insistence,
The bullet like the promise of an explanation