For the sin of pride the authorities made me wear this little hat. It fits me no better than a baby turtle, this blue plastic derby secured by a rubberband round the chin. Though I was allowed to stay on in my high position, my authority was subverted like a poster scrawled over with mustaches and black teeth. The hat defaced my famous scowl, transfiguring it, in the eyes of subordinates, to the grimace of a rambunctious birthday boy. Some men can meet the Queen with spaghetti in their hair; can cartwheel down the street in Bozo masks and command the dignity of a passing funeral. But I could never be respected as a naked emperor: I can only make men stammer and stare at their shoes even when my tie clip is in place. Conspicuous? I might as well have donned the Taj Mahal as that tiny plastic derby!