You see I have this broken nose I got when el tico Lizano hit me with a brick because I said it was obviously a foul and he said it’s not it’s not it’s not I’ll never turn my back on a Costa Rican footballer again the shock practically killed Father Achaerandio there was more blood than on an Aztec altar and then it was Quique Soler who got me in the right eye the best-aimed stone you can imagine we were about to take Okinawa of course but I ended up with a torn retina a month of absolute bed rest (at eleven!) a visit to Doctor Quevedo in Guatemala and Doctor Bidford who wore a red wig and that’s why I’m cross-eyed sometimes and when I come out of the movies I look like a sleep-deprived junkie then there was the big bottle of rum hurled at me by María Elena’s husband I swear my intentions were pure but every husband is a world unto himself